Free

Kinda scary when you start reading into things you like and analyzing why you like them...

Never look back.

&& because I like shoes... Walter Steiger

YOUR loss.

God always has something for you, a key for every problem, They're still a light for every shadow, a relief for every sorrow & a plan for every tomorrow. Accept all that is given to you with an open mind. Every gift, whether it warmed your spirit or brought you disappointment is a blessing. Learn from yesterday, live for today, plant seeds for tomorrow, live a life worth living. The philosophy of life is to make the most of it, enjoy the happy moments, challenge the challenges thrown at you. Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else wouldn't understand if you fell apart, because of what has gone on in your life that's true strength. See life in a positive way through any kinda of condition Life may throw your way.

Hate to see you go, but love to watch you leave...

So I read this and completely loved the meaning of it... or what I thought it meant. Anddddd then I googled it and found that it had a completely different meaning... lol

I hate to see you go but i'll love to watch you leave?

whats the meaning of this if a guy says this to you ?

andddd imagine my surprise when I read...

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

"He enjoys your company but he like watching you shake your groove thang as your walking out the door. He thinks you got a nice butt."

LOL!!

I relate to this quote in a completely different manner let me assure you!

For me, it's like that ughhh nerve wracking, irritating, lunatic way you feel when you like someone but know they are so so bad for you. You literally feel torn in two different directions and it feels like your mind and body are in this vicious game of tug-of-war. No, I'm not being dramatic, douchebag. I seriously mean it!! Thus, the topic of this post--- hate to see you go, but it's like you've done me a favor so I'm going to love watching you  l e a v e. 

I'm definitely at that crossroad right now where I have strong feelings for someone who is so not boyfriend material forget husband material (that's for my parent's who probably think I should have been married off that good ol' ripe age of 19!) Sounds kinda ironic though, no? Strong feelings for someone who doesn't even value feelings or know what that means. Only me. Chosen a winner, yet again!

So, more about the guy I'm obsessing over these days?

hmmm.

player.

A male who is skilled at manipulating ("playing") others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex. Possibly derived from the phrases "play him for a fool", or "play him like a violin". The term was popularized by hip-hop culture, but was commonly recognized among urban American blacks by the 1970s. 

  OR

A certain class of low-rent, slack-jawed fuckups has decided that backstabbing and misogyny are totally radical, so the word is sometimes used as a compliment or term of endearment between male friends, as in the greeting "what's up, player?".

....

a guy who:
(1) doesn't understand the meaning of relationship
(2) is in full reproductive mode
(3) is very good at making girls think he is into them (also very proficient at breaking said girls hearts)
(4) often "dates" several girls at several schools (girls are often unaware of each other)
(5) is an asshole!

AND

a heartless human being usually male that takes joy in moving from one girl to the next either sexually or dating and does so in such a manner that they break and rebreak multiple victims hearts, players can be easy to spot or hard to spot easy to spot players usually bost and for unknown reasons are still able to attain victims hidden players are vile disgusting people who will pretend to be sweet, nice, loving, caring, compassionate but dont mean it and when their true form as a player is discovered its usually too late for the victim leaving them in turmoil, heartbreak, an emotional trainwreck

gotta love urban dictionary. they sure don't mince their words!

had to highlight the emotional trainwreck part just in case I didn't see or understand it the first time around. LOL I'm already an emotional trainwreck without the "crushing on a player" aspect in my life!

So, I think I'm writing this blog post since I have two options really:

- - - - see a shrink since I don't want to believe what I KNOW to be true...

- - - - or write this blog entry and READ my thoughts since I cannot seem to comprehend or understand them in my head. I think the word is actually... believe. (see above.)

I know, it's wierd but if I get it- It's worth it.

I don't know who I am fighting against here but I will say my score is a negative two right now.

    

Going on 25 (ohhhh shittt.) this year, so much is changing.

Some aspects of my life I am very thankful for.

Family. Career. My nephew! :)

Mardi Gras in New Orleans possibly next month!

and other things or slots in my life... just feels like something's lacking. incomplete.

I don't know if this is part of life where they say you're truly never happy until you have God in life, or the whole schpeel about how the grass always looks greener on the other side.

And, honestly. I'm up to my brain reading quotes...

it's true, I'm sure. I just don't want to believe it right now.

I don't know. I wish this post had a happy ending. or an ending where I've figured stuff out and all's well is paradise again! haaa. This sounds so fucking emo and I'm sorry for that.

But, I kinda want to leave it how I'm feeling right now...

where nothing makes sense. melancholy. confused. but not unhappy.

until next time.